They Should be Neutered?

I see parents complaining over the horrendously inappropriate fashions available at A&F. (I won't give the full name). But at the same time, I see some of those same parents saying that the parents who are letting their children wear these inappropriate clothes, "should be neutered."

But what the indignant parent doesn't realize is that neutering is part of the problem to begin with. "Sexy" is redefined when sex is divorced from marriage and babies. But most of our culture doesn't see it. They see that an 8-year-old dressing like a middle-priced call-girl is unacceptable. But they cannot fathom how our culture got to that point in the first place.

Try telling an indignant adult where we went wrong as a culture, and he or she will transfer the indignance to you. They see that there is a problem. They see that this problem did not exist 50 years ago. They see that something needs to be done. But to even suggest that contraception is even part of the problem, will get you attacked like a carcass surrounded by vultures. Since "they" use contraception and would never dream of dressing their children that way, there must not be a connection!

Having that conversation is not easy. Showing how they're linked can be very time consuming. The contraception descent was gradual. The steps are not straight down. They do meander about quite a bit. Unless someone has shown you the pattern, it can really seem quite random. I guess that is why these indignant people are all so surprised. They never saw it coming.

But there was someone who did see it coming. A document written in 1968 spells it out. Women would be less respected, not more, as contraception became mainstream. Worse, these are not even women yet. They are young girls painted up to look like women. The mistakes that our culture will make in the name of so-called "freedom" are tragic. The victim is innocence.

Sex and Taxes

I just deleted three paragraphs of a new post. I did it on purpose, so please don't feel bad for me. It is the modern day version of pulling paper out of the typewriter and crumpling it up. There is a satisfaction to it that just leaving the ideas "out there" doesn't quite accomplish. I am trying to find the right wording for a question. The words just aren't there. Basically, I read articles on tax-payer funding of contraception and one major theme is always floating in my head. "Why I am paying for people to have sex?" Especially, "why am I paying for sex to not do what sex was designed to do?"

I don't know if it is primarily the overpopulation myth winning out, or if the possibility of self control is now considered a myth, but something is a driving force. A simple explanation is just plain old sin. But we have always been sinners. Why now? Why has contraception come to the forefront? Treating sex wrongly is not a new sin. Which track did we get on that made contraception seem like a good solution? The seven deadly sins have always been about excess and removing consequences. Lust has the unique quality of having infinite consequences. Sex makes people. And those people make more people.

The interventions of "social problems" often address symptoms, not the core. In recent history, only 12-step programs have actually sought the core. Sex-addicts can go 12-step, but fornication remains. In my own history, I was an "affection junkie." Fornication was the means I used to try to fill a craving for affection. Contraception removed the consequences. Why can't my tax money go to help other affection junkies instead? Why treat a symptom and not the core?

More Blue, Less Pink

This page is, well, very pink. I have seriously considered making it more red instead. Red is my favorite color, but I didn't want the page to look so dark, so I chose pink. But recently, I find that I am not reaching fully half of my target demographic. What man wants to read a page, or worse yet, be caught reading a page, that is bright pink!? So my color scheme might change. I want to speak to men too. After all, my husband is also a former contracepter. Men have just as much in this as women do, except they are often told they can't have an opinion because they don't have to carry the baby. Those people are wrong. God's design is right. If men carried babies the human race would not survive. But men have sex. That means they need a voice in this.

I really want to reach men about contraception. I asked my husband what it would take to reach men. His answer: "You, and an 8 hour conversation about marriage and sex." (He is referring to our first date. Yes, I kept him talking for 8 hours, and yes, he eventually married me anyway.) But I was still fairly lost even myself, at that point. I still didn't have all the facts yet. We learned a lot of them together.

I thought of all of this because of a young man I met in L.A., in January. He is a graduate of a prestigious Technical college in his area. He is quite brilliant; in fact brilliant enough to know when he doesn't have the answer. So when he found out what I do, writing and speaking on overcoming contraception, he asked a few questions about the Pill. I was happy to answer and prayed that I did not let my mack-truck personality roll over him. He had only recently heard that it could act as an abortifacient. I gave him the details for it being called a "contraceptive" because pregnancy had been redefined as being implantation instead of conception. He was certainly smart enough to see the sleight of hand in that wording, so he was a bit shocked. I clarified that is also can function as a contraceptive by preventing ovulation and impeding sperm migration. Well, that information led to the more important part of our short conversation.

This young man is your basic secular man. He lives with his girlfriend. They may or may not get married depending on their future plans and circumstances. They are very nice people. The couple has very different morals than I do. But I begin my conversations in love and friendship. They were kind and welcoming, and he asked the questions. "How does it prevent it? What does 'impede sperm migration' mean?" It was an open door. I walked through it. His expressions were priceless.

The language of sperm as swimmers and cervical mucous as a river was pretty entertaining. He didn't know "that stuff," (his words) had a purpose. By the end, he still had questions. But they were educated questions. I think the parts that stuck out to him were about sex drives and libido. I saw him staring across the room at her when I told him that being artificially infertile meant the woman has a lower sex drive. He was confused at first until I said, "You are fertile 24/7. And your sex drive is?"

And he answered "24/7!" I explained that a woman is only fertile for about 48 hours with the fertile hormones leading up from about a week before. So his next question had him wide eyed. "So a woman on the Pill is never fertile and has the sex drive to match?"

My answer: "Sadly yes, except when ovulation breaks through. Then, she usually can't keep her hands off of her man."

He looked across at her again. She noticed that time and asked what we were talking about. His answer was basically, "I'll tell you later."

I pray and hope that I reached him. I still hope that they will find the joy and blessings of marriage. I hope that they will be brought to the Truth by first seeing through the lies of contraception. His name is Mike. Please pray for him.

As My Eyes Began to Open

About 18 years ago the younger sister of a friend called me from a nearby town. She was looking for a phone number. This was pre-internet days where, to find a phone number you needed an actual phone book for the area you wanted, or you paid money to call information. She was going to be in my city and needed to make an appointment. I said I was happy to help. And I did. And that moment was the beginning of a wake up call for me.

She needed the number to Planned Parenthood. I even said, "you realize you are asking a Catholic for this don't you?" Her answer was that it wasn't for an abortion, but for her "annual." She told me that it was a cheap place that she could get her "Pills." She told me, "well, they won't give me my birth control Pills without an exam, but it isn't a real exam anyway. They just do the basics and give me my pills. It's cheap and all I need is not to get pregnant again" (At the time she had no children that I knew of, so the "again" stood out.) I remember such detail about the call because it was such a moment of tragedy for my personal failure. I didn't even really know at the time what my own Church taught about contraception. She knew I was against abortion so her telling me she was getting contraception was supposed to ease my mind, I guess.

At the time it did. At the time I really believed that better access to contraception was going to prevent abortion. I didn't even realize that the Catholic Church was already teaching that contraception leads to more abortion, not less. I really thought that more STD tests meant that more people were finally getting tested, not that it meant more people were getting the diseases. I actually started to think that clinics like Planned Parenthood were doing some good. I thought they were helping the poor.

But this gal was 17 at the time. She was living on her own. We lost touch for many years. I eventually found out that her contraception had failed, yet again. And she had been with a man who showed her no respect. I would always think back to that phone call. What if I had known then what I know now? What if I had told her then that she deserved better than what contraception had to offer? What if I had had the courage to say, "How about I pay to take you to a real clinic and get you a real exam and real education about healthy sexuality? You deserve to be treated better than 'cheap' care." What a difference might that have made in her life? But instead, I left her in the hands of Planned Parenthood because, "at least she's not going there for an abortion."

I am speaking up now. I won't stop until every woman knows she deserves better.

More Confessions: A Wish List

My biggest reason for starting this blog was to share my past journey. But, as has been pointed out to me by friends, it does say "Confessions." That term also includes the present. While I am a former contracepter, I am still on a journey. I don't foresee myself becoming a contracepter again, but I do know I have to nurture my spirit every day on this topic. I need to remember why it is important and why I want to spread the word about the pitfalls of contraception.

So, with that said, here are the beginnings of my wish list: (in no particular order)

• To find the time to make up my business cards promoting NFP
• To take classes in other methods of NFP to promote those as well
• To blog more often, preferably daily
• To be more brief in each blog post (Brevity has never been my strong suit.)
• To discover better ways to communicate with those who disagree
• To create and nurture a home environment to make writing a higher priority
• To attend to my children while staying on task to write
• To find the humor in this topic more often and not take myself so seriously
• To keep anonymous enough that my husband can show his face in public
• To write well enough to give all glory to God
• To get better at just publishing posts even if they aren't quite "done"

Like this one, for instance. Thanks for reading!!

Yet Another Contraception Conversation

I encountered another Catholic who was put out by my use of NFP. I am not sure what it is about me, or maybe, NFP that offends. I am used to the "It doesn't work" comments, so I am always ready to explain that not only is my chart extremely weird and hard for many people to interpret, but that it does work, and it works well. And further, that it was the charting of fertility that led to more physical healing for me, which in turn made my chart easier to interpret. This was a woman who absolutely could not have any more children for a lot reasons, (most of them very good reasons, actually.)

She said they, "tried" NFP but had no idea what it was they "tried." I was gently querying and even clearly stated that I always ask to find out what information is out there and to find ways to better help others in the future. But she truly believed that she fell in the very special category that made her decision the right one. I wasn't about to argue with her. She was hurt and not open to the Truth. She is past child-bearing years and the deed was done. It was too late to tell her that her horrible PPD could have been helped by charting. It was of no use to tell her that her husband is still open to a whole host of health problems because of his vasectomy. And it was certainly not going to change her heart to push the issue when I barely knew her. I had to wait for a better time.

I can only hope to plant seeds for the future. I know that God will continue to give me the opportunities. Those conversations must always be rooted in love and compassion, and most importantly, with a firm grasp of Truth.

Boy or Girl? Mommy Knows.

What have we forgotten? A friend posted a link about a pregnancy test that also determines sex. (Of course, the ad itself used the misnomer, "gender," to explain the product. To be grammatically correct: "People are sexed, nouns are gendered.") There are always worries that products like that will be used for evil. My friend posted deep concern and prayers for the babies who would be aborted for being the wrong sex. I fear for that too, but I have hopes that it was just about wanting to know which colors to knit the booties.

But it also got me to thinking about how much we have forgotten and overlooked in our secular quest for true scientific knowledge. We have forgotten that the science is built right into our bodies. It is not wrong to want to know the sex of our babies. Our own bodies give us the clues. If your body tells you, there is nothing immoral in it. Science and reason have never been at odds. Science and reason are a built in tool which we already possess. While I am glad that science has mapped the human DNA code necessary to discover the baby's sex at such early gestation, it is a bit redundant. Our body will give us signs, very accurate signs, for free.

When I was first learning to chart fertility, I only noticed the big signs. But once I was tuned in, the subtle ones proved far more fascinating. Having carried both a boy and a girl, I had the privilege of experiencing those signs independently, and very intensely. I have interviewed many women about them and have discovered what appear to be inconsistencies, but they are not. They are nuanced markers that could be measured if we gave ourselves the chance.

Simply put, carrying a boy affects the breasts, carrying a girl affects the mucous. Many of the ladies I interviewed thought this was incorrect. They noted that they got larger breasts when pregnant with girls, or they had cervical mucous when pregnant with boys. These signs, or markers, would be the opposite of the built in "sex determiner" if that was all there was. But (and there is always a but,) they were not aware of how they were affected. "Larger breasts" is not descriptive enough, neither is "just" cervical mucous. These are the signs we are finally noticing again, but we have spent so many years with an artificial idea of fertility that we don't know what is right in front of us.

So what have we forgotten about pregnancy through the generations? What is the science written on our bodies that secular science will one day prove for us? That science, is that the body will tell us who we are carrying. When carrying a boy the breast tissue of the mother grows more dense. Our production of testosterone goes up as we carry boys. Higher testosterone creates denser breast tissue. (Just look at any athletes who have taken steroids. Then look at them after they are off of them.) In some women the breasts grow larger as they grow more dense. In women carrying girls they might get larger breasts, but that has to do with fluid, not density. Mothers carrying girls are producing higher amounts of estrogen. Estrogen makes fluid. Swollen breasts might happen, but more importantly she will produce mucous, and more mucous... and more mucous. Some women when carrying boys noted that they had cervical mucous too, but when asked one question, it cleared things up. Tacky mucous or fluid mucous? Ah-ha! (The amount of time I spent blowing my nose while pregnant with my daughter was almost laughable. Since mucous is mucous, I was stuck with it. We knew she was a girl!) Estrogen makes very fluid mucous. It is the strongest indicator.

Our bodies know what we are carrying. It is part of the process of development that the mother's body produce the right hormones to help with development. Someday, secular science will prove that the mother does matter. Science will someday find out that having the artificial hormones from the Pill in our bodies are not good for the development of our later children. Science will also find out that conception that takes place outside of the body misses a key time in development. From that moment of conception the mother knows she's pregnant. Her body begins to change immediately. We have just forgotten through the generations how to notice.

I am so thankful that I knew about charting when my kids were conceived. It was exciting knowing that those tiny people were there from the very first moment. It was an honor to know so much about them before I met them face to face. They gave me hints to their personalities very early in. I knew my son was a giving person and my daughter had an iron will, long before I saw it in their eyes. It was an amazing gift. I am glad I watched their signs.