I just deleted three paragraphs of a new post. I did it on purpose, so please don't feel bad for me. It is the modern day version of pulling paper out of the typewriter and crumpling it up. There is a satisfaction to it that just leaving the ideas "out there" doesn't quite accomplish. I am trying to find the right wording for a question. The words just aren't there. Basically, I read articles on tax-payer funding of contraception and one major theme is always floating in my head. "Why I am paying for people to have sex?" Especially, "why am I paying for sex to not do what sex was designed to do?"
I don't know if it is primarily the overpopulation myth winning out, or if the possibility of self control is now considered a myth, but something is a driving force. A simple explanation is just plain old sin. But we have always been sinners. Why now? Why has contraception come to the forefront? Treating sex wrongly is not a new sin. Which track did we get on that made contraception seem like a good solution? The seven deadly sins have always been about excess and removing consequences. Lust has the unique quality of having infinite consequences. Sex makes people. And those people make more people.
The interventions of "social problems" often address symptoms, not the core. In recent history, only 12-step programs have actually sought the core. Sex-addicts can go 12-step, but fornication remains. In my own history, I was an "affection junkie." Fornication was the means I used to try to fill a craving for affection. Contraception removed the consequences. Why can't my tax money go to help other affection junkies instead? Why treat a symptom and not the core?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
More Blue, Less Pink
This page is, well, very pink. I have seriously considered making it more red instead. Red is my favorite color, but I didn't want the page to look so dark, so I chose pink. But recently, I find that I am not reaching fully half of my target demographic. What man wants to read a page, or worse yet, be caught reading a page, that is bright pink!? So my color scheme might change. I want to speak to men too. After all, my husband is also a former contracepter. Men have just as much in this as women do, except they are often told they can't have an opinion because they don't have to carry the baby. Those people are wrong. God's design is right. If men carried babies the human race would not survive. But men have sex. That means they need a voice in this.
I really want to reach men about contraception. I asked my husband what it would take to reach men. His answer: "You, and an 8 hour conversation about marriage and sex." (He is referring to our first date. Yes, I kept him talking for 8 hours, and yes, he eventually married me anyway.) But I was still fairly lost even myself, at that point. I still didn't have all the facts yet. We learned a lot of them together.
I thought of all of this because of a young man I met in L.A., in January. He is a graduate of a prestigious Technical college in his area. He is quite brilliant; in fact brilliant enough to know when he doesn't have the answer. So when he found out what I do, writing and speaking on overcoming contraception, he asked a few questions about the Pill. I was happy to answer and prayed that I did not let my mack-truck personality roll over him. He had only recently heard that it could act as an abortifacient. I gave him the details for it being called a "contraceptive" because pregnancy had been redefined as being implantation instead of conception. He was certainly smart enough to see the sleight of hand in that wording, so he was a bit shocked. I clarified that is also can function as a contraceptive by preventing ovulation and impeding sperm migration. Well, that information led to the more important part of our short conversation.
This young man is your basic secular man. He lives with his girlfriend. They may or may not get married depending on their future plans and circumstances. They are very nice people. The couple has very different morals than I do. But I begin my conversations in love and friendship. They were kind and welcoming, and he asked the questions. "How does it prevent it? What does 'impede sperm migration' mean?" It was an open door. I walked through it. His expressions were priceless.
The language of sperm as swimmers and cervical mucous as a river was pretty entertaining. He didn't know "that stuff," (his words) had a purpose. By the end, he still had questions. But they were educated questions. I think the parts that stuck out to him were about sex drives and libido. I saw him staring across the room at her when I told him that being artificially infertile meant the woman has a lower sex drive. He was confused at first until I said, "You are fertile 24/7. And your sex drive is?"
And he answered "24/7!" I explained that a woman is only fertile for about 48 hours with the fertile hormones leading up from about a week before. So his next question had him wide eyed. "So a woman on the Pill is never fertile and has the sex drive to match?"
My answer: "Sadly yes, except when ovulation breaks through. Then, she usually can't keep her hands off of her man."
He looked across at her again. She noticed that time and asked what we were talking about. His answer was basically, "I'll tell you later."
I pray and hope that I reached him. I still hope that they will find the joy and blessings of marriage. I hope that they will be brought to the Truth by first seeing through the lies of contraception. His name is Mike. Please pray for him.
I really want to reach men about contraception. I asked my husband what it would take to reach men. His answer: "You, and an 8 hour conversation about marriage and sex." (He is referring to our first date. Yes, I kept him talking for 8 hours, and yes, he eventually married me anyway.) But I was still fairly lost even myself, at that point. I still didn't have all the facts yet. We learned a lot of them together.
I thought of all of this because of a young man I met in L.A., in January. He is a graduate of a prestigious Technical college in his area. He is quite brilliant; in fact brilliant enough to know when he doesn't have the answer. So when he found out what I do, writing and speaking on overcoming contraception, he asked a few questions about the Pill. I was happy to answer and prayed that I did not let my mack-truck personality roll over him. He had only recently heard that it could act as an abortifacient. I gave him the details for it being called a "contraceptive" because pregnancy had been redefined as being implantation instead of conception. He was certainly smart enough to see the sleight of hand in that wording, so he was a bit shocked. I clarified that is also can function as a contraceptive by preventing ovulation and impeding sperm migration. Well, that information led to the more important part of our short conversation.
This young man is your basic secular man. He lives with his girlfriend. They may or may not get married depending on their future plans and circumstances. They are very nice people. The couple has very different morals than I do. But I begin my conversations in love and friendship. They were kind and welcoming, and he asked the questions. "How does it prevent it? What does 'impede sperm migration' mean?" It was an open door. I walked through it. His expressions were priceless.
The language of sperm as swimmers and cervical mucous as a river was pretty entertaining. He didn't know "that stuff," (his words) had a purpose. By the end, he still had questions. But they were educated questions. I think the parts that stuck out to him were about sex drives and libido. I saw him staring across the room at her when I told him that being artificially infertile meant the woman has a lower sex drive. He was confused at first until I said, "You are fertile 24/7. And your sex drive is?"
And he answered "24/7!" I explained that a woman is only fertile for about 48 hours with the fertile hormones leading up from about a week before. So his next question had him wide eyed. "So a woman on the Pill is never fertile and has the sex drive to match?"
My answer: "Sadly yes, except when ovulation breaks through. Then, she usually can't keep her hands off of her man."
He looked across at her again. She noticed that time and asked what we were talking about. His answer was basically, "I'll tell you later."
I pray and hope that I reached him. I still hope that they will find the joy and blessings of marriage. I hope that they will be brought to the Truth by first seeing through the lies of contraception. His name is Mike. Please pray for him.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
As My Eyes Began to Open
About 18 years ago the younger sister of a friend called me from a nearby town. She was looking for a phone number. This was pre-internet days where, to find a phone number you needed an actual phone book for the area you wanted, or you paid money to call information. She was going to be in my city and needed to make an appointment. I said I was happy to help. And I did. And that moment was the beginning of a wake up call for me.
She needed the number to Planned Parenthood. I even said, "you realize you are asking a Catholic for this don't you?" Her answer was that it wasn't for an abortion, but for her "annual." She told me that it was a cheap place that she could get her "Pills." She told me, "well, they won't give me my birth control Pills without an exam, but it isn't a real exam anyway. They just do the basics and give me my pills. It's cheap and all I need is not to get pregnant again" (At the time she had no children that I knew of, so the "again" stood out.) I remember such detail about the call because it was such a moment of tragedy for my personal failure. I didn't even really know at the time what my own Church taught about contraception. She knew I was against abortion so her telling me she was getting contraception was supposed to ease my mind, I guess.
At the time it did. At the time I really believed that better access to contraception was going to prevent abortion. I didn't even realize that the Catholic Church was already teaching that contraception leads to more abortion, not less. I really thought that more STD tests meant that more people were finally getting tested, not that it meant more people were getting the diseases. I actually started to think that clinics like Planned Parenthood were doing some good. I thought they were helping the poor.
But this gal was 17 at the time. She was living on her own. We lost touch for many years. I eventually found out that her contraception had failed, yet again. And she had been with a man who showed her no respect. I would always think back to that phone call. What if I had known then what I know now? What if I had told her then that she deserved better than what contraception had to offer? What if I had had the courage to say, "How about I pay to take you to a real clinic and get you a real exam and real education about healthy sexuality? You deserve to be treated better than 'cheap' care." What a difference might that have made in her life? But instead, I left her in the hands of Planned Parenthood because, "at least she's not going there for an abortion."
I am speaking up now. I won't stop until every woman knows she deserves better.
She needed the number to Planned Parenthood. I even said, "you realize you are asking a Catholic for this don't you?" Her answer was that it wasn't for an abortion, but for her "annual." She told me that it was a cheap place that she could get her "Pills." She told me, "well, they won't give me my birth control Pills without an exam, but it isn't a real exam anyway. They just do the basics and give me my pills. It's cheap and all I need is not to get pregnant again" (At the time she had no children that I knew of, so the "again" stood out.) I remember such detail about the call because it was such a moment of tragedy for my personal failure. I didn't even really know at the time what my own Church taught about contraception. She knew I was against abortion so her telling me she was getting contraception was supposed to ease my mind, I guess.
At the time it did. At the time I really believed that better access to contraception was going to prevent abortion. I didn't even realize that the Catholic Church was already teaching that contraception leads to more abortion, not less. I really thought that more STD tests meant that more people were finally getting tested, not that it meant more people were getting the diseases. I actually started to think that clinics like Planned Parenthood were doing some good. I thought they were helping the poor.
But this gal was 17 at the time. She was living on her own. We lost touch for many years. I eventually found out that her contraception had failed, yet again. And she had been with a man who showed her no respect. I would always think back to that phone call. What if I had known then what I know now? What if I had told her then that she deserved better than what contraception had to offer? What if I had had the courage to say, "How about I pay to take you to a real clinic and get you a real exam and real education about healthy sexuality? You deserve to be treated better than 'cheap' care." What a difference might that have made in her life? But instead, I left her in the hands of Planned Parenthood because, "at least she's not going there for an abortion."
I am speaking up now. I won't stop until every woman knows she deserves better.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
More Confessions: A Wish List
My biggest reason for starting this blog was to share my past journey. But, as has been pointed out to me by friends, it does say "Confessions." That term also includes the present. While I am a former contracepter, I am still on a journey. I don't foresee myself becoming a contracepter again, but I do know I have to nurture my spirit every day on this topic. I need to remember why it is important and why I want to spread the word about the pitfalls of contraception.
So, with that said, here are the beginnings of my wish list: (in no particular order)
So, with that said, here are the beginnings of my wish list: (in no particular order)
- To find the time to make up my business cards promoting NFP
- To take classes in other methods of NFP to promote those as well
- To blog more often, preferably daily
- To be more brief in each blog post (Brevity has never been my strong suit.)
- To discover better ways to communicate with those who disagree
- To create and nurture a home environment to make writing a higher priority
- To attend to my children while staying on task to write
- To find the humor in this topic more often and not take myself so seriously
- To keep anonymous enough that my husband can show his face in public
- To write well enough to give all glory to God
- To get better at just publishing posts even if they aren't quite "done"
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