Abstinence: Putting Your Money Where Your, er, Mouth Is.

Post-op surgically, by 12 days now. Still healing up. Incisions seem to be healthy, but they do bother me a bit.

So until I am healed, we are abstaining. I know, I know. We NFP Catholics give too much information when it comes to our sex lives. But I wonder. How else do you get the word out that not "everybody is doing it?"

One of my points for NFP is pointing out that a couple who refuses to abstain has less secure ground to stand on when telling a teenager to abstain. After all, many teens really are pretty mature. Many have been emancipated and have raised babies quite well. Before higher education, people married shortly after entering puberty.

But now, we have teens who have been able to reproduce for years being told, "Wait! You can't handle a baby yet!" But they look to the so-called role models in their own lives and the teens say, "Whoop de do, neither can you. What's the difference?"

Well we know, as adults, that teens don't have it nearly as together as they think they do. We currently have an extended adolescence that extends into the mid-20s. They are the age of parents from generations past, but have the maturity level of middle school. Why? Because their own parents grew up with them. Their own parents were so young (mentally and physically) that they raised their children as they finished raising themselves.

If you never have to say 'no,' and never have to sacrifice, then what is there to learn? What have you earned? Nothing. The only thing these younger parents feel they sacrificed was, in fact, their youth! They don't have the tools to teach their children to abstain. They never had to, so why should their kids? They never had to put their money where their mouths were.

I propose: We go back to educating our young people as if puberty actually means something. I propose that we tell them exactly what is going on their bodies. Forget the mystery. Teach them the science! But then in the same breath, let's teach them their inherent value as human beings. Let's teach them that abstaining is difficult, but worth it. Let's teach them that they will have a lot more ahead of them if they don't get tied to an unhealthy relationship.

Let's live our lives with more transparency. If they are going to learn anything from us, we have to put our money where our mouth is. If they have to abstain, we have to prove it is possible. And not only that it is just possible, but that there are rewards for it. Stability, self-esteem, commitment, and communication all have deep roots in abstinence. Let's show them how it is done!