Against the Beginning

So on some level the title of my blog might seem limiting. Every post in some way will relate to contraception, but not just in the strictest sense of the word. What I have found is that I often had what is known as a "contraceptive mentality." I viewed many things "against life" or "against the beginning." I am trying to say in my usual roundabout way, is that the topic of contraception encapsulates my struggle.

I looked at the world with an attitude that I was in charge, that I was the beginning, that I had control. Certainly I had some control but not the right kind of control. I tried to control my will but not my behavior. I tried to change my reality but not my actions which led to it.

Being against the beginning is something we have to choose first and act on second. It requires premeditation. Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that it requires the same amount of planning or consent as say murder or some other violent crime. But it does require some forethought. We must know that the outcome of a certain behavior is not desired if we are doing anything about it. I think for me contraception has something to do with "getting caught."

I said before that I wanted to change the circumstances of my surroundings rather my behavior itself. We all did it at one time or another. We all wished that that stupid 6th grade book report would just write itself. Who of us who watch our weight hasn't reached for another slice of pumpkin pie vowing that we will exercise more to burn those few extra calories?...Only to then say, "next week."

None of us can say that we have been completely unattached to consequences. But I think part of the thinking error of contraception is that consequences are always a bad thing. They aren't always bad! I mean if my house hadn't been broken into I never would have met my husband...I know, I know, that sounds really bad! He wasn't the intruder, but I met him as a direct result of a string of consequences from the break-in.

Babies are a consequence of sex, yes, I will grant that. But not having babies is also a consequence of sex. Think of the infertile. There is nothing that drives an infertile couple further up a tree than two random idiotic teenagers making a baby on the first "try." In fact, based on ovulation of about 1/30th of a month, the chances are higher that it does not result in a baby!

But sex still makes babies. That is what is designed to do on its most basic level. Everything else is gravy. Everything else is a perk. To be against the foundation is to be against the mashed potatoes. To be against the beginning made my own life just a big, messy puddle of gravy.

I think I will finish this post if only to limit the number of Thanksgiving metaphors.