Abstinence: Putting Your Money Where Your, er, Mouth Is.

Post-op surgically, by 12 days now. Still healing up. Incisions seem to be healthy, but they do bother me a bit.

So until I am healed, we are abstaining. I know, I know. We NFP Catholics give too much information when it comes to our sex lives. But I wonder. How else do you get the word out that not "everybody is doing it?"

One of my points for NFP is pointing out that a couple who refuses to abstain has less secure ground to stand on when telling a teenager to abstain. After all, many teens really are pretty mature. Many have been emancipated and have raised babies quite well. Before higher education, people married shortly after entering puberty.

But now, we have teens who have been able to reproduce for years being told, "Wait! You can't handle a baby yet!" But they look to the so-called role models in their own lives and the teens say, "Whoop de do, neither can you. What's the difference?"

Well we know, as adults, that teens don't have it nearly as together as they think they do. We currently have an extended adolescence that extends into the mid-20s. They are the age of parents from generations past, but have the maturity level of middle school. Why? Because their own parents grew up with them. Their own parents were so young (mentally and physically) that they raised their children as they finished raising themselves.

If you never have to say 'no,' and never have to sacrifice, then what is there to learn? What have you earned? Nothing. The only thing these younger parents feel they sacrificed was, in fact, their youth! They don't have the tools to teach their children to abstain. They never had to, so why should their kids? They never had to put their money where their mouths were.

I propose: We go back to educating our young people as if puberty actually means something. I propose that we tell them exactly what is going on their bodies. Forget the mystery. Teach them the science! But then in the same breath, let's teach them their inherent value as human beings. Let's teach them that abstaining is difficult, but worth it. Let's teach them that they will have a lot more ahead of them if they don't get tied to an unhealthy relationship.

Let's live our lives with more transparency. If they are going to learn anything from us, we have to put our money where our mouth is. If they have to abstain, we have to prove it is possible. And not only that it is just possible, but that there are rewards for it. Stability, self-esteem, commitment, and communication all have deep roots in abstinence. Let's show them how it is done!

The Definition of Procreative

Here is another post that I wanted to save. Again, it says what I want to say. The indented quote is from someone else. The rest is my response.

We are using science to determine if we are fertile and having sex only when we are not. That, in and of itself, is messing with the way God meant it to be, according to what Catholics say about contraception. We are separating the procreative and the unitive properties of sex.

Please allow me to give a different perspective than the ones already presented here. I speak with the voice of those suffering from infertility.

Let me begin by asking you a question. Would you be willing to look an infertile couple in the eye and say, "You are not being procreative. You are separating the procreative from the unitive?" I would hope not. I would hope that you have more sense than to tell a couple who desperately wants a child that they are not being procreative.

You see objectively, that is what they are doing, by your definition. According to what you have defined as "procreation," they have used science to determine that their act is not going to result in a conception, yet they are still having sex. If your definition of procreation is accurate, then they are doing the same thing as an NFP couple who is making exclusive use of the infertile phase. And by that further logic, you cannot see a difference between what an NFP couple does and what a contracepting couple does. So if I take those points to their logical conconclusion, then the infertile couple is contracepting. Because we know that if A=B, and B=C, then A=C. Correct?

But I would guess then that your answer would be, "No the infertile couple wants to have a baby." True. But that is intent, not means. So that merely changes the why they are having sex, not the when and how. What we are discussing is the objective means of having infertile sex.

But what if instead the definition of procreation is not just a reproductive act? What if being procreative is instead a measurable, act that is defined, (as it is correctly listed in your second post) as an act ordered towards life? Wouldn't that change the above illogical conclusion that an infertile couple is doing basically the same act as a contracepting couple? Wouldn't that say, that no, a contracepting couple has done an act of some kind, deliberately, to disorder the act away from life?

Having suffered through both previous infertility and now having to limit the size of my family through the use of the infertile phases, I can really see both sides of the coin. My health is so bad that there are days that I cannot get out of bed to tend my two children. I have to have people come over and help. I hate that. I would love to be healthy. I desperately wanted to have another child, but it looks like God has a different plan for us. I want more children. Right now. My intent is the desire for children, yet we only make use of the infertile phase. Are you willing to tell me that I have separated the procreative from the unitive?

If you are really interested in the topic I have a list of sources as long as my husband's arm that I can give you. (He's six feet tall. Long wing-span.) Contraception is most certainly discussed, by name, in Scripture. Many, many of the early Church Fathers wrote on the intrinsic evil of contraception. I am more than happy to discuss with you the massive differences between natural infertility and intentional sterility.

Contraception was the topic that brought me fully back home to living a devout Catholic life. My blog is entitled, "Confessions of a Former Contracepter."

Small Victories

I haven't had anything much to say on my topic for a short time. Now I have two small victories to share. Both have to do with overcoming abortion.

The first is about a former director of my nemesis, Planned Parenthood. As usual, I will remain silent on exactly what I think of PP, in an effort to stay charitable. But, a former employee for eight years, a director for two years no less, has left the building! She saw an abortion on ultrasound. She just had to stop helping the abortion industry anymore! She left PP and is now working with Human Life International. And to see further the ridiculousness of PP. They filed an injunction against her. For exactly what, no one knows. But they say they have to "protect their staff." Protect them from what? Me thinks that doth protest too much...

The other victory is over a nun. Yes, sadly, you read that right. It is a victory over a nun for overcoming abortion. This woman, I hesitate strongly in using the affectionate term 'sister' when referring to her, but this woman was working as an escort at an abortion clinic! She was "shielding the clinic's clients from protesters." She had been doing this for years and her order has just let her. Leaving out that it is a complete violation of canon law to assist in abortion while remaining a member of a religious order, she also caused scandal just by being there and being a nun.

Thankfully she is one of those "spirit of Vatican II" nuns and so is on her way out either way. You know the ones. They don't wear habits. They don't like being women. They would rather be priests than nuns. And they don't like anything remotely Catholic. But for whatever reason, she has finally ceased her behavior. Thank God. Protecting women from protesters at an abortion clinic is akin to shielding toddlers from butterflies. The toddlers (and women) are capable of far more damage than the butterflies (or protesters.) Both the women and the toddlers need to be told, "gentle," a lot, ...until they get it.