More Confessions: A Wish List

My biggest reason for starting this blog was to share my past journey. But, as has been pointed out to me by friends, it does say "Confessions." That term also includes the present. While I am a former contracepter, I am still on a journey. I don't foresee myself becoming a contracepter again, but I do know I have to nurture my spirit every day on this topic. I need to remember why it is important and why I want to spread the word about the pitfalls of contraception.

So, with that said, here are the beginnings of my wish list: (in no particular order)

• To find the time to make up my business cards promoting NFP
• To take classes in other methods of NFP to promote those as well
• To blog more often, preferably daily
• To be more brief in each blog post (Brevity has never been my strong suit.)
• To discover better ways to communicate with those who disagree
• To create and nurture a home environment to make writing a higher priority
• To attend to my children while staying on task to write
• To find the humor in this topic more often and not take myself so seriously
• To keep anonymous enough that my husband can show his face in public
• To write well enough to give all glory to God
• To get better at just publishing posts even if they aren't quite "done"

Like this one, for instance. Thanks for reading!!

Yet Another Contraception Conversation

I encountered another Catholic who was put out by my use of NFP. I am not sure what it is about me, or maybe, NFP that offends. I am used to the "It doesn't work" comments, so I am always ready to explain that not only is my chart extremely weird and hard for many people to interpret, but that it does work, and it works well. And further, that it was the charting of fertility that led to more physical healing for me, which in turn made my chart easier to interpret. This was a woman who absolutely could not have any more children for a lot reasons, (most of them very good reasons, actually.)

She said they, "tried" NFP but had no idea what it was they "tried." I was gently querying and even clearly stated that I always ask to find out what information is out there and to find ways to better help others in the future. But she truly believed that she fell in the very special category that made her decision the right one. I wasn't about to argue with her. She was hurt and not open to the Truth. She is past child-bearing years and the deed was done. It was too late to tell her that her horrible PPD could have been helped by charting. It was of no use to tell her that her husband is still open to a whole host of health problems because of his vasectomy. And it was certainly not going to change her heart to push the issue when I barely knew her. I had to wait for a better time.

I can only hope to plant seeds for the future. I know that God will continue to give me the opportunities. Those conversations must always be rooted in love and compassion, and most importantly, with a firm grasp of Truth.

Boy or Girl? Mommy Knows.

What have we forgotten? A friend posted a link about a pregnancy test that also determines sex. (Of course, the ad itself used the misnomer, "gender," to explain the product. To be grammatically correct: "People are sexed, nouns are gendered.") There are always worries that products like that will be used for evil. My friend posted deep concern and prayers for the babies who would be aborted for being the wrong sex. I fear for that too, but I have hopes that it was just about wanting to know which colors to knit the booties.

But it also got me to thinking about how much we have forgotten and overlooked in our secular quest for true scientific knowledge. We have forgotten that the science is built right into our bodies. It is not wrong to want to know the sex of our babies. Our own bodies give us the clues. If your body tells you, there is nothing immoral in it. Science and reason have never been at odds. Science and reason are a built in tool which we already possess. While I am glad that science has mapped the human DNA code necessary to discover the baby's sex at such early gestation, it is a bit redundant. Our body will give us signs, very accurate signs, for free.

When I was first learning to chart fertility, I only noticed the big signs. But once I was tuned in, the subtle ones proved far more fascinating. Having carried both a boy and a girl, I had the privilege of experiencing those signs independently, and very intensely. I have interviewed many women about them and have discovered what appear to be inconsistencies, but they are not. They are nuanced markers that could be measured if we gave ourselves the chance.

Simply put, carrying a boy affects the breasts, carrying a girl affects the mucous. Many of the ladies I interviewed thought this was incorrect. They noted that they got larger breasts when pregnant with girls, or they had cervical mucous when pregnant with boys. These signs, or markers, would be the opposite of the built in "sex determiner" if that was all there was. But (and there is always a but,) they were not aware of how they were affected. "Larger breasts" is not descriptive enough, neither is "just" cervical mucous. These are the signs we are finally noticing again, but we have spent so many years with an artificial idea of fertility that we don't know what is right in front of us.

So what have we forgotten about pregnancy through the generations? What is the science written on our bodies that secular science will one day prove for us? That science, is that the body will tell us who we are carrying. When carrying a boy the breast tissue of the mother grows more dense. Our production of testosterone goes up as we carry boys. Higher testosterone creates denser breast tissue. (Just look at any athletes who have taken steroids. Then look at them after they are off of them.) In some women the breasts grow larger as they grow more dense. In women carrying girls they might get larger breasts, but that has to do with fluid, not density. Mothers carrying girls are producing higher amounts of estrogen. Estrogen makes fluid. Swollen breasts might happen, but more importantly she will produce mucous, and more mucous... and more mucous. Some women when carrying boys noted that they had cervical mucous too, but when asked one question, it cleared things up. Tacky mucous or fluid mucous? Ah-ha! (The amount of time I spent blowing my nose while pregnant with my daughter was almost laughable. Since mucous is mucous, I was stuck with it. We knew she was a girl!) Estrogen makes very fluid mucous. It is the strongest indicator.

Our bodies know what we are carrying. It is part of the process of development that the mother's body produce the right hormones to help with development. Someday, secular science will prove that the mother does matter. Science will someday find out that having the artificial hormones from the Pill in our bodies are not good for the development of our later children. Science will also find out that conception that takes place outside of the body misses a key time in development. From that moment of conception the mother knows she's pregnant. Her body begins to change immediately. We have just forgotten through the generations how to notice.

I am so thankful that I knew about charting when my kids were conceived. It was exciting knowing that those tiny people were there from the very first moment. It was an honor to know so much about them before I met them face to face. They gave me hints to their personalities very early in. I knew my son was a giving person and my daughter had an iron will, long before I saw it in their eyes. It was an amazing gift. I am glad I watched their signs.

Food and Sex

I am reading an excellent paper on marriage. It gave me another word I have been lacking in my writings about contraception. (And we know how much I love words!!) That word is "organic." Currently, the word has become a buzzword for healthy living. I tend to agree with the concept even though I often disagree with the application, or more accurately, the politics of the people who apply it. but politics aside, I agree that organic is superior to inorganic.

So that brings me to the reason for this post. The paper was addressing the marriage act as an organic act. It was saying, in part, that the act of coitus is the core of reproduction. Whether or not it results in conception is not relevant to the organic act. The act stays an organic act either way. When organic is defined in this context it is more accurate. It is defined by the core and not by the results, in much the same way as an organic food could be contaminated after the fact.

Natural coitus is an organic act. Contraception and IVF are inorganic acts. The word "spermicide" alone is just one example. Inorganic interruption of the female reproductive cycle makes the act itself inorganic because it changes the core. Menopause is an organic interruption of the female cycle so the act is still an organic act. Organic, by definition, is referring to the natural environment and natural design.

Organic is superior. It also requires a deeper commitment. The contraceptive argument would be, "Just because inorganic food is less ideal you wouldn't stop eating." I agree. But my counter to that argument is that some inorganic items actually cease to be food. At that point, I would stop eating. Worse yet, if those things were actually poison to the body and to the marriage, I would probably devote a fair amount of my time to education and information. (of course!) The sexual, contraceptive act has ceased to be a marital act because it is so far removed from the organic. A cohabitation filled with sexual acts that are not marital acts, does not define marriage. It seeks to redefine marriage away from the organic.

The Body of Contraception

In an online discussion with someone about contraception I have been reading back through my many, many, many, many sources. (Did I say many enough times?) I was led back to one of the talks on ecumenism. This weird word is about reunification, specifically about unifying Christians. The talk is here if you would like to listen. Dr. Kreeft is a professor and convert to the Catholic Church. His work is heavy in academics, but he still has a very personal, humorous style.

The point that really stood out to me this time listening through was the reality of the Church as the body of Christ. This was one of Dr. Kreeft's points for how other Christians can be reunited with the Catholic Church. Not to see the Church as an obstacle, but as the actual body of Christ. Christ is the Head and the Church is His body. This is not new information to me. But this time, I really listened and heard the word about the body. Since I was going back to it because of contraception, I was really tuned to that word. The Body.

The writings on the Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II weren't intended as the be all, end all. His intention was a study of a theology; a theology of the body. We are, as students of the theology, to look for it everywhere. So that word stood out to me again. The body of Christ.

On the flip side of the body of Christ, is the body of contraception. I have heard talks on it before, but this time something really stood out. The body of contraception is a body of withholding. The body of contraception is a body of dis-unity. I truly see all of Christianity being against contraception as one of the last big structures to fall in recent times. Before 1930, if you were a Christian you were against contraception. We were still united on it. Now we aren't.

What changed? I don't have an answer. I have theories, few of which I am willing to delve too deeply. I wasn't there. What I do see are the results. Eighty years later, we are more divided as a body. Withholding of ourselves is not new. Contraception is not a new concept. What it is, is a newly accepted concept within Christianity. If two really do become one (Gen 2:24) then contraception is not only not necessary, but it is an assault instead. It is a division of ONE body.

A contracepting body withholds part of itself. What is the body of Christ? He is one body, with one head, and one Bride. What is a body of contraception? It is two bodies who do not become one. If we are not one body in Christ within our own marriages, how do we present ONE body of Christ to the world?

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

So I watch the wrong channels. I really strongly, dislike contraception. (Ya' think?) Yet, I watch the channels that contraceptive companies sponsor. Why don't I just change the channel? For one, those are the shows I want to watch. But mainly it is because for so many years I just didn't notice the commercials. I just took them in like an ad for a car or a soft drink. Now they annoy me. But then, since I became more aware of contraception and its impact on society I am annoyed by more and more commercials. The car ad reveals that having no kids makes you skinnier, smarter, and drive a "better" car. Not that ads have ever been considered true, by anyone; I've just finally started to notice the subtle undertones against the natural family.

But I think the one that drives me the battiest, (is battiest a word? I guess so because my spell check liked it,) but the one that annoys me more than all the rest of the ads combined: Mirena. It is a so-called "contraceptive device." It isn't. It does one thing. It aborts. The ads are sneaky. They say it, "prevents pregnancy." Nowhere do they admit that to truly be a "contraceptive" it needs to be "contra" "ception." In other words, since pregnancy is currently defined, by law, as the "moment of implantation," then a product that does not allow implantation, but does allow conception can legally be termed a "contraceptive." By definition the word contraception means, "against the beginning." It does not mean, "against step two."

But they flat out lie. Since one can have a "pregnant pause" then one is pregnant the moment someone else enters the picture. I don't recall a grammatical rule requiring implantation for a pause to be pregnant. To be impregnated has never before in the history of our language, meant implantation. But it does now.

A lie and misdirection is just fine in the world that brought us contraception. The shocked young woman who asked me about Mirena and found out the truth, looked as if someone had just slapped her, hard. I hope she had the courage to follow through and remove it from her life. She remains in my prayers.

Do I Have to Do This?

Ugh. My attitude has been bad lately. I am healed from my surgery, but I still haven't felt quite up to writing again. I have a few posts that I am working on in the background. But they aren't quite there yet.

My reasons for not writing have really been twofold. My general surroundings and the people. Many of my friends are either on the same path I am, trying to help the world know each other better. Some are already Catholic and have a passionate Christian life. Some have completely different beliefs than I do and not a lifetime of talking is ever going to change either of us. And the rest are just plain so thick-headed that I feel like I am blowing hot air. None of the situations have really inspired me to write.

My kids have been in rare form too. While I have recovered from from my surgery they have found new and exciting ways to make me crazy. I think my daughter eating 6 bananas in an hour sums it up nicely. We gave her two. The rest, she absconded when we were out of the room. I knew there was a reason I call her a little monkey. My son, though older, seems to follow her mischievous lead. She's three. Oh what my future holds!

But then I remember, I am supposed to do this. I am supposed to write every day, even if I don't want to write. I have a great friend who reminds me that I really need to get my stories down in print so the message can reach more people. If my experiences can help people know more about how beautiful authentic sexuality can be, then I really need to keep going. I need to keep plugging away. So this post is to remind me that I need to keep writing. It is times like this that I ask God, "Do I have to do this?" Since my attitude gets bad, my world gets dizzy, and my little monkey gets pyrotechnic digestive results when I don't do what I am called to do; I think the answer is a resounding, "Yes!" I have to do this.

Will write soon. I promise.